In Between
by Sebe
Summary: The wall in Sam's head has broken, but he's trying to fight his way back. Cas can't help, but he can be there, which is all either brother could ask for.


Author's Notes: Sam's pretty much catatonic after the wall breaks. Dean takes care of him while Sam tries to claw his way back. He's managing it, but it's slow. He can't get back to the real world yet, but he's found something in between that he can sometimes reach. Cas can get there too.

Neurotic Note: With the wall broken, Sam can't see Cas in his vessel anymore. He sees what Cas really is and, after being tortured by the two brightest angels ever for centuries, it freaks him out.

Also, I've put together a couple fanmixes for the first time if anyone's interested.

There's a Soulless!Sam mix- .

And an Unstable!Insane!Sam mix, cause that's just how I roll- .

And I am working on continuing "Other Roads". *gasp* I know. Pretty much the queen of oneshots, but I think I like where it's going. Please review!

Summary: The wall in Sam's head has broken, but he's trying to fight his way back. Cas can't help, but he can be there, which is all either brother could ask for.

**In Between**

Sam blinked his eyes open slowly. He took in the typical cheap motel ceiling and the click of the air conditioning unit. Everything was tinted a slight blue like it always was here. Carefully sitting up, he looked over to his brother, still and asleep on the bed next to his. Sam was grateful Dean was finally getting some sleep.

Allowing himself to relax for a moment, Sam closed his eyes and pulled in a deep breath, content in the silence and peace, a luxury he was rarely afforded nowadays, the din in his head almost constant. The muted television flickered to static and back, but Sam didn't turn right away.

"He misses you."

Sam opened his eyes to look at his sleeping brother and smiled, catching the hint of another presence in his peripheral vision.

"I miss him too."

The angel sitting next to him nodded.

"Is it getting any easier or are you forcing yourself?"

"Easier. It's just slow. Everything's so…loud and bright." Castiel ducked his head in an all too-human gesture of shame, but Sam was quick to correct him. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known, Cas."

"I feel I should have."

When the wall in Sam's mind had finally shattered, Dean had called frantically for Castiel. But his appearance, his true appearance and the only one Sam was able to see anymore, had thrown Sam directly into another seizure. The worst one yet.

Sam turned to look at the angel, straight at his true form and into eyes that were, eerily, Sam thought, still blue.

"You're helping Dean." Sam assured him. "You couldn't do anything better for me."

Castiel offered reluctant acceptance of the forgiving words and Sam turned back to Dean. He was glad that even in this place between, though everything was frozen, he could still see Dean breathing. It comforted him.

"It's getting better. I'm catching more and more glimpses of things, even if I still can't tell him…"

"Are you certain you don't want me to tell him about…this?"

Sam bit his lip thoughtfully, but shook his head.

"No…I still don't know how long…I'm trying, I just, don't want him to get his hopes up, ya know?" It was still too raw and painful for Sam to function in the real world. He felt skinless, every sensation grating against exposed nerves. This space between dreaming and awake was the best he could do for now and it was a place Dean couldn't go.

"You will make it back, Sam."

Sam's laugh sounded cracked and brittle. It was just taking him so long and even this took so much out of him…

"You're sure?"

"I am." Cas answered without pause. "You and your brother have a connection like none I've ever seen and few that have ever existed. You don't seem to be able to…" the angel seemed to be searching for the right words. "…I don't think you two are able to exist in a world without the other. You always call out, you resonate. You will find your way back, Sam. Or Dean will find his way to you."

And even with all that had happened, all the beliefs and perceptions Sam had held so dear only to have them so cruelly ripped away and destroyed; Sam found himself feeling the way he had when he was younger, like angels were something holy and good. That he was being watched over.

At least by one, anyway.

Sam felt his eyes welling at the assurance. Because it was so frustrating to be so close, to work so hard for so incrementally a gain. Sam had never felt more gratitude toward Castiel than for just those simple words. He wanted to hug him like he only did with Bobby and Dean, but even here, touch was still too much for Sam. And besides, he was still a Winchester and he handled any great emotion the way they all did, by misdirection and levity. Sam sniffed and shook his head, smiling at Cas.

"You lied." Castiel looked at him questioningly. "You're not as big as the Chrysler Building."

Sam thoroughly enjoyed the stuttered sounds of surprise Cas got out before stringing together something coherent.

"I-It was just an estimate. I didn't-…I mean that…"

Sam nodded amusedly and smirked at the angel's embarrassed flush. Cas's mouth set in a thin line as he realized Sam was just picking on him. It was something Castiel had noticed Dean and Sam did to each other to show affection and, despite the slight irritation, he felt privileged to be included in that.

They spent the rest of the night in the reassuring silence of the others company and Sam fought his way back just a little more.


End file.
